21. adult friendships

those that survived our youth

This Thursday, after a very long time, I was sitting on a friend’s balcony in a group of three, laughing raucously, cracking fart jokes and being silly in our thirties. From that balcony, I time-travelled through all of my female friendships – the groups of three – that have built me, sustained me, and grown with (or sometimes apart from) me.

Like the childhood ones – two distinct groups of three with their common factor of me. One reserved for evening walks, eyeing boys in our apartment complex, giggling over teenage crushes and endless, childish gossip. The other one was long phone calls about exams, mean girls and books, gushing over boys we thought we loved in school and deliberating over the drama in our larger friend groups.

These friendship groups matured over these sixteen years. Last December, we, one trio, relaxed with a bachelorette staycation before the first of us tied the knot. In the same month, I held another friend from the other trio through her father’s funeral.

Once we moved away from home, friendships evolved and transformed into family-like bonds – people we loved and held close like one would their siblings. Out of those groups of three girlfriends, we have lost at least one person each on the way. We are strewn across the globe – India, Germany, the States, the UK and in indifference. We now send each other Instagram reels, Duolingo high-fives and twice-a-year birthday texts.

We ask the friend who survived the friendship about the one that didn’t – ‘Have you heard from her?’, ‘Where is she now?’ We receive fragmented information – ‘She’s doing okay, she’s seeing someone new,’ ‘I have no clue, I saw on Facebook, that her father passed away’ or ‘She started a new job, she seems happy.’

Some of those friend break-ups left deep rivets in our hearts. Some of them are broken beyond repair. Some, we don’t care enough to repair. Some, we just outgrew and left behind.

When I look through the 31 years worth of friendships that I have lived, loved and lost, I realise that over time the ones that survived have rid themselves of the drama of our youth and now hold each other in a protective embrace where we know we are safe when we are together.

The friendships that survived and strengthened through the good and the bad, the cross-continental moves, the toxic relationships, the endless therapy sessions, the addictions, the mental health challenges, the evolving political ideologies as well as the friendships that have developed because of all of this, are the ones that will carry us through the rest of our lives.

So, when I see videos of old girlfriends vacationing in Italy, I imagine us – having lived very full, dramatic and satisfying lives – enjoying a glass of good wine (or sparkling water) and laughing raucously, making fart jokes and being silly well into our seventies.

Until then, sending all my girlfriends big virtual hugs,

Sanj 🫨