24. finding third places
and building them + announcement at the end of the newsletter 😉
Around May this year, I learnt about the concept of a third place. I was tapping through my Instagram stories and a local bookstore-café had reposted a story of someone calling it their third place. I had to immediately google what it meant. It threw up a dictionary (or sociology book?) definition of the term –
…the third place refers to the social surroundings that are separate from the two usual social environments of home ("first place") and the workplace ("second place").
Much like the Friends characters had the Central Perk, HIMYM characters had McLarens, we all, apparently, need a third place to have a healthy social life. And as with many other things, our generation is increasingly devoid of this one constant social space where we meet our friends socialise, and feel completely at home.
In a different lifetime (ie. in 2019), when I lived in India, my friends and I hung out regularly at a chai shop called Chai Days at least a few evenings a week. We would finish work and then head out to this spot, no matter how late and sat there chatting over saffron chai and egg puffs. It was always an autorickshaw ride away and open until late with delicious tea and even nicer company. I spotted old Tinder dates, rising influencers, ex-colleagues and new friends pass through this spot which just felt like home. Or as we know now, our third place.
At this point in my life, there is an obvious problem. I don’t even have a second place. My home is my office for most days of the month. I alternate between the bedroom and the living room every day, switching from the desk to the bed to the couch. A smile exchanged with the store assistants at the neighbourhood Rewe is my only daily guaranteed social interaction besides Alex. Even when I meet friends, often on a bid to not eat out, we invite each other over for homecooked meals and make the kitchen our hangout zone.
So, is our home our three places all rolled into one? For many of us in this post-COVID world, working hybrid or remote jobs, home is the only place we are always at. Between the living room, the bedroom and the kitchen, we have created a unified three-place-zone in our own homes. And I think it works if you have a gorgeous backyard you can frolic in or a balcony you can use to lie in the sun or even a third room where you can separate your work and living space. What happens when you don’t have the space in your home or can’t afford it?
Do we still have the potential to find third places that exist outside of the home, that can fulfil our social and emotional needs?
In Hamburg, since May, our Palestine solidarity encampment has been our third place where we have met new and old friends, participated in and conducted workshops, organised our events and found community. Our camp continues to be a place where we could drop by to have affirming discussions, drink a cup of herbal tea or freshly brewed coffee and snack on a little cookie or two.
The encampment started around the time I learnt about third place, so it’s no surprise that it has come to define the term for me. And as it slowly comes to its natural end once August slips away, I am already feeling a certain emptiness and insecurity.
Where and when would we have the opportunity to create a space like this again? When would we find a location that makes us feel completely safe and lets us be the exact kind of people we aim to be? Where would I randomly meet my friends on a Friday evening – those who I have in my life because the camp helped me find them?
Maybe we will build one just like the camp. But safer, more secure, where everyone is welcome (except racists and other kinds of assholes) and serve great coffee and a snack or two.
Until next time in search of our new third place (or maybe building one?),
By the way, BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:
Speaking of third places, my friend Vedi and I are planning an online writing workshop and as my newsletter subscribers, you get to know first!
Follow Vedi and watermelon art fair on Instagram for the registration link and official announcement soon.
There are almost 150 of you, and even if 10% of you show up, it will mean so much to us. Half of the proceeds will be donated to a charity in 🍉 through watermelon art fair and we would love all of your support!