04. This little thing called...

friendship. That's it. Nothing controversial.

Hi there,

I am reporting from under three blankets on my bed where I have been most of today. I went to sleep yesterday with a lot of ambition about starting the day with my boxing class, but friend, when Aunty Flo comes for a visit, we must abandon our plans. 

So, here I am, a big bowl of dal rice and a bottle of sparkling water later, ready to hammer out this week’s issue. This is a commitment and I ain’t budging – cramps or not.

I have been wanting to talk to you about friends. Not just the ones I have, but just generally the concept of having friends. 

Think about it – when and how did you meet the person you spill your guts to on the reg? School playgrounds, college classrooms, neighbourhood park, language class? Bumble BFF, at a gig, Facebook group, train station, workplace?

What a damn coincidence it must have been for you to get together. And you know who I am talking about.

Do you remember the first conversation you had? What made you become friends? What was that green flag that made you say that decades later this is the one I am gonna sit on the balcony with and finish a whole bottle of very expensive wine (or whatever brings you together) and talk about whatever is going on in our heads?

If you are thinking about your partner right now, good for you. But please find more friends.

Do you know what’s hard about this though? Being fully grown, functional adults with extremely busy lives. This week I wrote to 3 friends that I was sorry, I was too busy to write back to them. I thought about texting my best friend for 3 days till I finally did it without putting it off.

When we were younger, friendships in our thirties always seemed as easy as Sex And The City – gorgeous outfits, expensive dinners and one phone call to have your best friend come rushing to your aid. However, IRL, we can’t even get on a call without months of immaculate planning. We remain each other’s best friends but we find support systems outside of each other. 

We localise our emotional needs. Our local friends turn into families. 

They remind us to leave a set of clothes at their house. They tell us to take a break when we complain about being exhausted at work. They call you back in seconds when you panic text them, anxious on a Friday afternoon. Theirs are the birthdays, anniversaries, and promotions you celebrate. They are the ones you grab impromptu dinner with on a Tuesday. When you discover a new restaurant, they are the ones you first think about.

And you know what? We need both sets of friends equally. 

So, tell them you love them more as much as you ask them to meet for a drink. Show them your small kindnesses. Send them the 😘 and the ❤️. Hug them tight when you meet them next.

And please book the tickets for that trip you have been planning for years now. It’s time. 

Until next time, sending endless kisses to my friends,

Sanj 🫨

PS: I read Your Driver is Waiting by Priya Guns recently and it showcases excellent friendships (even though it is not the central theme). You should read it too! 😉